Without Writing

The art of writing without writing… about fighting.

The Without Writing Biggest Disservice to Martial Arts Award, 2011

A belated happy new year, one and all. 2011 was an interesting year in combat. Many great fights were fought, many interesting techniques were demonstrated in front of millions, and many interesting news stories discussed the implications of crime, violence and self defence.

But who pooped in the proverbial pudding, last year? Of all the party guests, which one was the most objectionable?

Ladies and germs, I provide you with: The Without Writing “Biggest Disservice to Martial Arts Award”, 2011.

Naturally I nominated all the nominees, and I constitute the committee that decided which of our fair contestants deserved the prize.

And what a year it’s been for picking doofuses! I could have given the award to…

Sid Sofos! This utter waste of flesh and oxygen… and there’s quite a bit of flesh on Sofos, that’s for sure… brings the martial arts into disrepute simply by existing. This year, he managed to slither his way into the press again, proving that he will even use his own mortality to muddy the waters around what constitutes a martial arts teacher and what doesn’t.

But no, I didn’t give the award to Sofos. Frankly he doesn’t deserve any kind of award. He doesn’t even deserve to have an award thrown at him.

I could have given the award to…

Harry Cook: the main actor in one of the more serious martial arts related stories of the year. Cook was finally brought to justice this year for multiple sexual assaults, at least some of which were perpetrated against his vulnerable underage karate students.

With such a reprehensible act, should the award go to him? No. Because although it was inadvertent, getting caught was actually one of the more constructive things Cook has ever done in his life. I hereby award Cook the “Biggest Disservice to the Martial Arts between 1970 and 2010” award, but he doesn’t get the 2011 award.

Perhaps the award should go to Steven Seagal, the man Sid Sofos wishes he was.

A dreadful human being by any standards, Seagal is no martial artist, and no actor. He is no guru, and no teacher. He claims to be all of these things, and has made a great deal of money essentially for being a squinty little stage-fighting egotist.

This year he popped up out of the cesspit of c-movies he has fallen into of late, and between stuffing pies into his lying mouth, he decided to take credit for the fight-ending front kicks of Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida, at UFC 126 and UFC 129 respectively.

Many people, Bas “the King of Awesome” Rutten in particular, very vocally criticized Seagal for claiming to have taught Silva and Machida the exTREEEEMely basic and common technique of the front kick to the face. But sadly, many people were fooled by this shameless self-promotion by an overweight, failing so-called actor, who wished to gain some kind of martial credibility through his veneer of association with two genuine martial arts masters.

So did Seagal do enough to win the coveted WWBDtMA Award for 2011?

No.

Drum roll please…

The JOINT WINNERS of 2011”s Biggest Disservice to Martial Arts Award are none other than…

ANDERSON SILVA and LYOTO MACHIDA!

These two should be BLOODY ashamed of themselves.

2011 was a sad year for two of the greatest fighters on the planet. Because it wasn’t enough that Steven Seagal claimed that he had taught these two utter wrecking machines a basic technique – an insult to their trainers and to them as martial artists – what’s worse is that they went along with the lie for some free press.

Yes, these two doofuses get the award because they willingly gave Seagal the oxygen of publicity, not to mention martial credibility he doesn’t deserve, simply in order to be associated with a mildly well known celebrity.

By developing undeniable martial credibility through their rocking careers, and then misusing that hard earned credibility to enthusiastically pimp a fraudulent nutbag like Seagal all over the mainstream press, they have set the martial arts back by a decade.

Well done lads.

Actually it’s worth pointing out that Machida has form on this issue. After all, he’s been claiming that his daddy’s Shotokan Karate is the secret to his success all these years, when in fact it’s his full contact striking training and grappling training that has been responsible for his success, and any fool can see it.

If anyone decides to take umbrage and state “Machida says Karate works for him, who are you to say otherwise?” I will point them towards the fact that Machida drinks his own urine for “therapeutic” purposes, on his daddy’s advice.

Machida Sr. and Lyoto drinking their own urine. Don’t get those glasses mixed up, fellas!

Is this man an entirely sane, rational and trustworthy source of information? I think not.

As for Silva, he’s pound for pound the greatest fighter on the planet. He’s also a nerdy goofball who loves burgers. Which, frankly, is why I love him.

And so I forgive Anderson Silva, because he lacks form and is a fantastic fighter. But not Lyoto Machida. I hope that when reaching for his morning glass of pee, he accidentally picks up some cooking oil and drinks it by mistake. Now that would be disgusting! Haha!

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